Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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