come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
