how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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