They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Bring me that man meat
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
