Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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