Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
