this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
