Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
