Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
