I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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