her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
