dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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