i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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