The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
