No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
