And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Even my vagina gasped.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
