OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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