Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
