saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
