Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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