new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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