I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
