Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
