You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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