call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
