New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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