if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Are we still banned from the library?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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