Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
