I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
