hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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