remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
