i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
