i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
