Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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