If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
