There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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