Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
