he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
