as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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