so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
