Please, let me fuck your mom
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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