Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
