i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
