I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
