Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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