There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
