I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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