we have pet lesbian snakes
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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