used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
