also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
